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The big 1!!! Part 1:

Well on Thursday my wee cherubs turned 1 year old. I still can’t believe how far they have came and what a horrible start to life my wee boys had.

The day consisted of my hubby and I saying things like “oh this time last year this was happening” etc The memories are so vivid and raw that it doesn’t allow your brain to compute it was 12 months ago I’ll start by telling you all how this year went before delving into last years antics

Hubby had taken the day off so we woke up as a family All 4 of us and it was lovely We decided to let the boys still go to nursery as they love it so much They had a wee party with their pals had cake and were sung to whilst hubby and I picked up balloons we had ordered and organised the house I’ve had it in my head for a while that I wanted them to have a build bear made just for them for their first birthday Keep in mind no one mentioned I’d have to remortgage the house to pay for it Jeez However. It was worth every penny to see the wonder of their faces to see the fluff machine turn and tumble All 4 of us kissed each heart to give each bear life It was amazing The staff couldn’t have been nicer if they tried and tbh they helped make the whole experience magical They boys even got a couple of pound from an elderly couple we met in a lift for their wee banks As soon as the couple heard their story they were straight in their pockets Which I found very sweet and kind

We had decided to keep Thursday just for us As both sets of grandparents were having a birthday tea at the weekend and I feel this was the best decision we have made in a long time We have had to share our boys so much since they have been born that it felt good to be selfish and keep them to ourselves Don’t think the grandparents agreed though

So a quick run down of this time last year pretty much went as follows:

I had spent the best part of 5 weeks in hospital with only a day here and there home I was missing my husband and my fur babies something terrible so to say I wasn’t in the best of moods or mindset was an understatement I was supposed to be going home on the 25th and was looking forward to it I think I was in denial that the boys would arrive early as I had been in and out of labour with massive bleeding pretty much since I turned 20 weeks pregnant so when I woke up at 5am with tightening and the tiniest bit of bleeding I had decided I wasn’t going to tell the midwives I did however, tell my husband who got pretty irate with me demanding I tell them About 10 minutes after coming off phone a midwife came into my room just to check on me i decided to tell her but it turns out she already knew My sneaky husband had basically told on me whilst waiting on the doctor to review me the tightening got stronger and regular so I was whipped back into the labour room where my twin incubators where still set up from the day before whe I was there Not gonna lie I still thought this was all extreme as I was convinced it would stop and I would be back on main ward within a few hours When I was speaking to hubby though I had a strong feeling I wanted him there He also wanted to be with me Now to put it into perspective my hubby still went to work everyday during this period even though he always offered to be with me However, for some unknown reason he wasn’t going to take go to work as an answer and I really wanted him with me The doctor decided against an internal exam as this can bring labour on so I was monitored very closely I remember asking for something for pain or even gas and air for the now extremely sore tightenings I was given diamorphine bit refused gas and air as I wasn’t having “real” contractions only tightenings

At 12 Monday the consultant decided we needed to know what was going on down below as everything was becoming scarily regular The senior doctor on her service set up for exam She raised the bed and didn’t even touch me just peeked and jumped so high into air that she sent the examination trolley across the room If I hadn’t been so scared I would’ve found this funny I asked if everything was OK Dumb question as I knew by her reaction that it wasn’t The consultant finished the exam informing me I was 5 cm dilated and past the point of no return No matter what at least one of my babies where coming today The first thing I thought was thank god those were real contractions as I was freaking out thinking or dreading what real ones would be like as these “tightenings” were so bloody painful

At this point I experienced a wash of emotions from thank god hubby was here and made me tell the midwives the truth to mind numbing fear as they were too early to excitement that I was going to meet my gorgeous babies We didn’t know the sex of the babies and I had convinced myself that it was a boy and a girl. Hubby phoned my mum as I wanted her at the birth and phoned his parents so all the right people knew what was happening At this point all the parishioners from our chapel had skint knees from praying so much for these precious bundles and I know my mother in law stepped this up a few gears when she knew of their imminent arrival When my mum arrived I was really shocked at how calm she was I didn’t find out til later she had phoned my dad and aunt and cried all the way to the hospital from work so that it was out her system in a sense so she could be strong for me

My poor mum knew better than anyone what I was going through She had lost at baby at 26 weeks then had my brother at 26 weeks then had me at 30 weeks She knew the fear pain and excitement more than anyone, keep in mind my babies were 25 weeks – I always have to go one better 🙂

By 4pm I was fully dilated and the doctor ordered me very seriously not to push!’ Eh what?? That’s not an easy task At this point she explained that if baby 2 doesn’t progress on their own she would leave them meaning I could’ve had twins born on separate days Now that would be a story At 1711 on 25/02/15 Lewis came flying out into this world at the exact moment when it was only hubs mum and 1 very special midwife who we have since became friends with (some bonds cannot be broken) the emergency buzzer was pressed as this tiny 1lb 7oz purple baby lay on the bed not moving With a split second the room was filled with over 10 people Each baby had their own team of neonatologists and I had my own team of midwives It was a very busy room As the team work on Lewis I became obsessed that I didn’t hear him cry but I was told he was too young and the team had intubated him straight away I was scanned to see what baby 2 was doing and he was breech with no signs of moving However, at 1740 Logan made his appearance into the world after a good few pushes and puffs of gas and air – magic stuff btw The first thing I said apparently was ok let’s do this I’m ready for my girl to come now Hubby went grey in case their was a third one hiding in there Lol Again Logan lay on the bed lifeless for a nanosecond before his 1lb 11oz purple body was whipped away by the docs

What I didn’t realise at the time was my dad and brother had been restlessly pacing the floor of the day room so when the boys left my room they got to see them in their travel incubators on route to the nicu like something out of a 50’s film Even at the time the funny part of this wasn’t lost on me

just writing all of this down is really draining on me Next post I promise to tell the rest of that day’s shenanigans but just now I’m spent It’s like I’m living it for real all over again and I have this panicked feeling in my chest

I know it’s daft as both boys are in their cot beside me snoring away happy and healthy but I still hear the machines and feel the fear

Til next post Stay cool

Scottish Twin Mamma


8 Comments Post a comment
  1. How exciting (and I can only say this because there is a happy ending) but very scary and quite traumatizing too so glad all of you came out ok from this!

    Liked by 1 person

    February 28, 2016
    • Sounds silly but I didn’t realise how scary it all had been until I started writing it down. As you say the happy outcome makes it easier looking back. I’m a nurse and at the time I think I went into nurse mode making sure everyone else was ok and not really dealing with my feelings at the time. I very much like to bury my head in the sand as my hubby would say. Xx

      Liked by 1 person

      February 28, 2016
  2. Wow, so scary. You sound like you were very strong through this part! It is much easier for me reading this to know the babies are alive and one years old. I had a baby almost born at 26 weeks, with contraction 3 minutes apart. They told me it was too soon and the baby would die. But God gave us a miracle and she stayed in. This experience makes your all the more touching for me. God bless you!

    Liked by 1 person

    February 28, 2016
    • We were told numerous times the boys wouldn’t make it. But God did give us a miracle. The boys had to fight all the way but they made it. It’s our boys that gives us strength. Xxx

      Liked by 1 person

      February 28, 2016

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