Having a look at my Facebook and the memories pop up. Sitting here in tears yet again. Last winter was a particularly brutal winter for my preemie friends. At the time Logan’s chest had also been very bad and all my anxieties were heightened. This winter – touch wood, has been better for our family in regards to chest infections, although I would say Logan has had his fair share of illness earlier on this year with him having RSV, turning blue going limp needing to be 999 rushed to hospital in an ambulance and having nebuliser and oxygen therapy in March. The post I wrote is written below:
I honestly thought wow today was tough with my boys. But I have just learned that a preemie warrior just like them has passed away and grew their angel wings. I would take today’s sickness tantrums and random scream hysterical crying times a million just to make sure my boys stayed here with me. Puts life and our supposed struggles into perspective. There are too many families not spending Christmas with their babies. Some I know personally some have become cyber type friends via preemie support groups. I cried today and felt like I wasn’t coping as well as I should but there are families crying for more serious problems than mine.
“Tonight I came to bed to find my boys snuggled up like this and I cried again. Not because I was sad or stressed but because I realised how extremely lucky I am to have these 2 amazing fighters to kiss and cuddle good night.
I love my boys more than words can ever describe.
Also I should add before any bashing begins that I did move Logan’s leg away from his brothers neck.”
The last few months have been hard for us in other ways. Extreme tantrums due to the boys lack of understanding and social communication skills. The paediatrician putting it in black and white that Logan more than likely is on the autistic spectrum and for tests to begin next year. Yet again however, seeing this post pop up on my memory feed has brought me back down to earth with a bump. At least I still have my boys with me happy, mostly healthy and more importantly alive! Mums of angel babies would give anything to have their gorgeous babies back here on earth and in their arms dealing with whatever life throws at them.
I can’t reiterate enough how lucky I am to have these 2 amazing warriors clinging to my side fighting over who is getting cuddles from me everyday. No matter what life throws at us and how bad we feel we have it, it is important to remember there are people out there who are going through worse. We all have our own journeys to face but remembering those angel babies for me is a priority.
Sending prayers and hugs into the universe for those babies we never got to meet or were taken away from us far too soon. Also, praying for the families here on earth they left behind.
Scottish Twin Mamma.